My first image of Steph, is always of her laughing - & I hold that in my heart." 

Stephanie

Stephanie, with you there were no half measures. When William wanted attention, you danced for him. When you returned from your month's grocery shopping , with Edward eventually restrained in the grocery trolley, you regaled us with the story of his revenge - dropping eggs one by one onto the supermarket floor. Anna recently displayed your own characteristics. Looking up from her concentrated game, she opened her mouth wide, and shook in silent laughter at some profane adult remark, indicating her mother's instant rapport with those around her.

Stephanie, your love knew no bounds. Regardless of company, you flaunted romance around Peter. You love and support for him was ubiquitous, and you enjoined everyone to celebrate this with you.

Stephanie, you dared responses from us all through your honesty and forthrightness. We noticed you, and in doing so we noticed ourselves and were enthralled by your frank challenge to be equally transparent. You provoked, and elicited the best in us. You touched us all, and left us with lasting impressions.

Stephanie, we loved you dearly. We appreciated you as one of the most wonderfully outrageous and audacious people we have ever known. We remember you as unique and scintillating, and we rejoice forever in having been your friends."

Susy (Stirling) 30th May 2001 
"I have strong and wonderful memories of my time in Nongoma - her warmth, hospitality and fantastic smile and sense of humour. What amazing energy and vitality she had, as well as an ability to give of herself to those around her. I shall treasure these memories." 

Knowing Stephanie

I've never known someone so close 
be taken from this world in such a tragic way; 
I've never known someone so alive 
have this life drawn to a close 
so unexpectedly; 
I've never known someone so beautiful 
leave behind such a beautiful, fragile family.

I can't dwell on the why, it pains my heart. 
And God, in his graciousness, doesn't try to give me an answer; 
not now, not yet. 
He hears my cries, shares my pain, 
Offers me His motherly embrace, 
And gently shows me that He is still God.

And yet, I have known a woman of beauty. 
I have known her who lived life; 
I have shared in Stephanie's days, 
Those of joy and those of pain; 
And those that were simply to be lived and enjoyed 
In shared company.

The first memory of her - kissing her beloved 
On a stairway. 
She made an impact 
From that moment on. 
Other memories flood in , it's hard to extract one from the many. 
Together they form a collective memory; 
Vibrant, colourful, reassuring.

She wiggled in her wedding dress as you stood 
Together before the alter 
An invitation for us all to relax, share in her joy 
And expect the unexpected. 
I loved her for that.

So many other memories. 
Talking on the veranda, under the fig tree, in the kitchen. 
Tea and flapjack.  Children playing. 
Relaxing in hot springs, swimming in seas, 
viewing game, enjoying good meals; 
oh, the numerous shared meals! 
Stephanie's wonderful experimenting with recipes 
warm company, stimulating conversations. 
The moment she knew what she hoped for - 
that William would be born into this world. 
And, in the tougher moments - 
loved ones lost, security shaken, fears acknowledged, 
shared pain and mixed tears. 
A true friend.

She greeted my arrivals with open arms 
open smile, open heart; 
at airports, train stations, coach stations; 
always a joy to encounter, 
a coming home. 
Partings were heartfelt, yet strong; 
with the reassurance that I was loved, missed - 
and we would meet again.

I have known Stephanie for who she was; 
for that I rejoice and in that I find solace. 
I know her for who she remains, for me, 
in my remaining days. 
(God help me make them all count for something) 
And I will hear her again. 
Her laughter melting into the song of angels, 
and I will know her again. 

"Beautiful Stephanie, so full of life and love and so bubbly and happy.  It 
was a joy to know her.   She made me feel so welcome when I arrived in 
Nongoma, so totally culture shocked and bewildered.  She amazed me with her 
strength of character and her outgoing personality.  Nothing phased her.  I 
remember when Edward was born and being so astounded that Stephanie was home 
within hours of his birth.  She certainly amazed this Aussie!!  I loved 
spending time with her, with all of you - you all made me feel like such a 
part of the family when I was so far from my own home.  Pasta lunches and 
mid-day soapies, baskets of freshly picked pecans, Anna and her wonderful 
ringlets and Stephanie's infectious sense of humour, even with all the 
frustration's of life in Nongoma.

We had such fun going to Hlabisa to buy baskets.  Stephanie trying to 
communicate in her broken Zulu - being so frustrated that she hadn't 
mastered the language, and Collette and I rolling about laughing at the 
translation.  An unbelievable day and I still look back through my photos 
and live those time again and again.

Our Australian opal and Zulu basket trade last year was such a delight.  I 
have baskets in every room of my house, ever present reminders of wonderful 
times with my wonderful friend.  I will never look at another Australian 
opal without being reminded of Stephanie.  The beauty in the opals reflect 
the beauty in her personality.

Peter, my heart goes out to you and the children and Amy and Michael.  Words 
are not enough to express my thoughts and feelings.  I wish I could hug you 
all.

Rest peacefully Stephanie, I will so miss your letters and photos and all 
those emails." 
 

"You two were such a wonderful unit.  For me Steph was just a friend, but such a special one.  She had such compassion & kindness.  She felt like a sister somehow to me."

"I knew you on your last travel in Italy and I remember her and all of you at my grandmother's house . I'll never forget her smile . " 

Karen and Cedric Nisbet and family 18th Apr 2001  Cape Town, South Africa

" she will always be remembered as a vibrant, loving, caring person and will 
never be forgotten." 

I worked with Stephanie whilst she was with Pitman Publishing in the early 
nineties and she was one of those bright flame people, someone that warmed 
you just by her presence.  She always lit up the room with her joy for life. 
She was so full of love, especially for Peter.

Lasting memories include her outrageous stories about  biting Peter's bottom 
(!) and, despite that mischievous behaviour, the constant stream of flowers 
from Peter (which made the rest of us girls so so jealous), her table 
dancing on her hen night, and her belly button disappearing when she was 
pregnant!

I have sadly not seen her for years but she remains in my memories as a 
glorious person.  Even though I am now not much more than I stranger, I am 
devastated by the news. "

Reagan April 11 2001 
"I will look out some photos and I want to give Anna Maria, Edward and William some memories about their mother which capture her zest for life and that little bit of craziness.  At the same time Stephanie could be very deep and I valued our many late night sessions together in Watford.

I knew her for a much shorter period than many of your friends but I always felt she was like a sister. While writing was never my strong point you were all never very far away from my thoughts - particularly when I saw a makeup counter with an offer on - or a thomas the Tank engine!" 

It is impossible to understand one's individual role in God's grand design. 
It is only ours to accept and appreciate both the stumbles and the elevations in it.   Stephanie was truly a blessing to all of us from Him. 
Love Him for her." 

In her short life Stephanie achieved so many goals and was never disconcert 
ed when any challenges came along. Despite many setbacks, she was always full of enthusiasm and her lovely sweet smile will always be there in our memories - she was so special to so many people.

You had only a few short years together Peter but those years were filled with such love and happiness. You will have so many lovely memories to share with the children as they grow and flourish and they will never ever forget what a wonderful and very special Mummy they had."

" she was always happy. Happy in a new job, happy to get a pay rise! ( I think we both got the same rise at the same time), very happy at the prospect of marrying you Pete, and ecstatic when she was pregnant with Anna Maria"

It is just a few days from the time we were with you in Nongoma last Easter, 
so we have some treasured memories of sitting in your garden with Stephanie feeding baby William, Edward on the computer and Anna Maria dancing around. While we cannot go back in time we have God's gift to us of that time (and 
earlier memories of some amazing meals!) to take with us into the future.

I hope these words of Bishop Brent will be a comfort to you as they have been to me in the past:

'And life is eternal and love is immortal, and death is only an horizon, and an horizon is nothing save the limit of our sight.'" 

The poem that she wrote inside the card is a bit of T.S.Eliot's 'Four Quartets' -ever since she gave me the card (and read to me the lines in that earnest, passionate way she had) I have associated this poem with Stephanie. 
The lines, which seem to have such poignant resonance now, are as follows: 
"We shall not cease from exploration, 
And the end of all our exploring 
Will be to arrive where we started 
And *know* the place for the first time."

She saw these lines as deeply Christian.  I honestly look back on the 5 months we spent together in Florence as the happiest of my life - I remember meeting her at a Bible study, and while I was shy and reserved with all these strangers, I was struck by how comfortable she was with people, and so friendly, extremely friendly to me.  She told me she was at Warwick University, and my home town is Kenilworth, only a few miles away, so there seemed like an instant bond.  One day I decided to go on spec to her house in Settignano, not realising quite what that involved - a bus journey then a long walk uphill in the hot Italian sunshine - and she was so thrilled when I arrived, apparently no one had ever done that spontaneously before - and from 
then on we were firm friends.  She is still the only real girlfriend - in the truly girlie sense of the word - that I have ever had - by that I mean that we did all those girlie things together, lying on her bed or on the grass, looking at the ceiling or the sky, and talking about anything and everything, from deeply spiritual things to shades of lipstick, going for long walks and picnics in the Tuscan hills, eating ice cream by the Arno, always 
laughing, yet always capable of being serious - she was a truly genuine, guileless person, who simply shared who she was, and made others (me, anyway) feel good about life - I think that's partly why St Francis seemed such an appropriate person to associate with her, she could be quiet and she could be exuberant, and in both was true to herself.  Each day with her was an adventure.  With her death, a light has gone out in the world.

I also remember how unaffectedly kind and generous she was when I was low and needing a job, and she invited me to come and stay with her in Herne Hill so that I could look for a job in London, which I did, another turning point in my life." 

Stephanie has left a huge hole - and it hurts. Yet somehow even that hurt 
and that hole are a testimony to just how special she was. If she hadn't 
been anyone specially none of us would be missing her - it is precisely 
because of just how special she was that we and you are missing her so 
much. So as buzzer as it sounds, that hole, the hurt, are also a part of 
the celebration of who Steph is. At the moment she has beat us to heaven - 
but we will join her soon. 

Although physical distance then came between us, I always treasured the letters and emails that Steph sent. Her warmth, love and humour and her adaptation to life in Nongoma were evidenced in these. Here achievements in her continuing education left me in awe, all that, 3 children and a business!

Her love for you and the children shone through everything that she wrote, when we last were together she was so obviously happy. Although her life has been so tragically short Steph truly lived every moment and that is how I will remember and treasure her."

At least we are filled with many beautiful memories of weekends in 
Nongoma and many weekends with you all in our home in Durban; of a 
chauffeur to our wedding; of beautifully thought out presents planned 
many months in advance; of basket buying trips to Hlabisa; and of 
course breast feeding advice!  For these memories we are so thankful. 
Yet these thoughts fill me with tears.  Stephanie will always be a very 
special person in our hearts." 

The  vignette I saw  of their lives, and especially  Stephanie,  made one of 
my most vivid memories  of that visit to Africa.  Books have been written 
about less remarkable individuals." 

If I could hold you now, I'd hug you so much, 
I'd hold you so tightly, that I'd feel your heart burst witne. 
If I could be there now........

If I could see your face, I'd look so hard, 
I'd see you so deeply, that I'd feel your tears searing theof my eyes, 
If I could be there now........

God only knows, and that's our strength, God only knows why God only knows when.....,

Oh I can see her now, I can see her so fresh, 
I can see her so clearly, I can feel her smile here within Oh I can see her now.......

Oh I can see her now, on that first day at Dom's, 
that old f-hole guitar and she just bounced into the room

And I see her now, stroking hairs on Papo's head, 
bursting bubbles as she came, all my natural reserve just bway

And I can see her now, so much of God running round her heaSo much of God running round her heart, just love and joy

If I could hold you now, I'd hug you so much, 
I'd squeeze you so tightly...and thank God with all my hearletting me share time with you.

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The most that you can ever say of anyone is that they'd so 
much love there wasn't time enough to share it.

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